I can’t leave politics alone.

 . . . but the scheme of political subjection is more subtle in America. And though McKinley was the chief representative of our modern slavery, he could not be considered in the light of a direct and immediate enemy of the people; while in an absolutism, the autocrat is visible and tangible. The real despotism of republican institutions is far deeper, more insidious, because it rests on the popular delusion of self-government and independence. That is the subtle source of democratic tyranny, and, as such, it cannot be reached with a bullet.

-Alexander Berkman, on President McKinley’s assassination by Leon Czolgosz

Sort of cooking.

My apartment got cleaned yesterday. How this happened and how I now cook semi-regularly is the sort of thing I’m not talking about on my blog. Well, besides the part about moonlighting at a massage parlor.

The one little girl still masturbates all the fucking time, I need to buy a replacement lcd for the mc-505 mentioned below, etc. Woods cut his own hair and now randomly declares that he doesn’t like poo.

I  still have a job, and haven’t heard bad about my performance/behavior/etc. in some time. I was informed by the boss that one little girl in my five year old class (“Belle”) has never spoken with a foreign teacher before.

Now, this girl BARELY whispers in my ear when she does talk. I have to wonder what she was like before.

That’s all I feel like writing. Yes, I know this is retarded lazy of me, but I am sitting around my apartment stealing music and trying to talk myself into reading now that I’ve bought a shitload of books here – I don’t feel comfortable without books around. That doesn’t change that I am lazy and reading is hard work if you do it well.

Notice to blogosphere political pundits.

Leave me alone. Pretty please. This is a blog intended for my family and friends. I have no interest in blogging as a community. This is an open journal. If I don’t know you, but it made you smile or sympathize or whatever . . . karma, man. If you are someone who tries to keep up with my life, I hope I’m doing an okay job, and if feels good to know that you still care.

Otherwise . . . go to hell.

I still get comments about this Steyn bullshit. I don’t have a larger argument to cite because nobody except retarded journalists and people who read dull newspapers/glossy hardcover books in the politics section of Barnes and Noble ever believed any of this.

I’m done. I mean it this time. Leave me alone. There is talk radio to be enjoyed, and they ask you to call in. They’ll even tell you you’re right! OMG.

Now I repeat. Go the fuck away. Do you enjoy abuse? Jesus.

Not really anti-religious rant.

Korea has a strong history of christian missionary work. There is nothing wrong with this, in theory. However, there are details of it that just could make those foreign visitors who lean a little toward the secular side twitch, rock forward and backward, and then pound the inside of a closed fist against the side of their head, screaming like an autistic child removed from a beloved inanimate object.

For example, Korean evangelical christianity believes in guerrilla marketing. Men preach on every major street corner during the weekend, and possibly during the week. These men appear to be trilingual, often speaking of the gospel in Korean, English, and Japanese. Now, that’s not a big deal. Here is what IS a big deal.

American Jehovah’s Witnesses only have the presumption to knock on doors and cheerfully inform the residents that they are currently hellbound, although God truly does love you. He’ll give you good things. He just wants your soul. Koreans do this, too. I have to say: “ah-neh-oh, kohn-sam-nee-dah – migook, han-kul ah-neh-oh” – i.e. “No thank you. I’m an American. I don’t speak Korean.” I haven’t learned “let me initiate eternal suffering in peace, please” just yet.

Koreans who wish to convert additionally take the same approach as the truck-based fruit markets in urban areas here. These fruit markets drive around densely-populated areas, always around 8:00 am following a night of you’re-not-sure how many piss-tasting beers, and blast from improvised public address systems (rough translation) “My cucumbers are fucking amazing! I don’t know how you retards EXIST without my flippin’ vegetables! Just look at my beat up truck! You know I didn’t just garbage pick these! My brother grew them, despite the very commercial-looking stickers on them! Don’t buy cucumbers from that asshole up the street! I hear he helps white people deflower your young daughters. He is Half-Japanese! MY CUCUMBERS WILL MAKE YOUR ERECTIONS FIRMER AND YOUR EJACULATIONS STRONGER, GODDAMNIT . . .”

This means that ALL weekend, there are surprisingly WASP-y looking Koreans marching around Seoul looking for incorporeal essences in need of salvation. These people generally march around with sandwich boards and megaphones. Nobody seems to know what they are saying. The sandwich board people must be a step below the street corner people, as one never hears them speak Japanese or English. The upbeat music arranged for 7 strummed guitars and fifteen basses and tenors is just as terrible here, too.

Getting onto the main point now, the effects of this creep into English language education. Since all the christianity in Korea is imported, and fairly recently, the longstanding trends in acceptable biblical names don’t exist. Sure, virtually all Koreans have traditional Korean names.

But most children who attend private English schools are given “English” names. When one gives a child an “English” name, this is usually a complete abstraction. Spelling the name with roman characters appears to be the main qualification. I know a “Bora” and several “Jun”s.

But, now they have a Western character set to tinker with. So, these very vehement christians feel it necessary to give their kids names from THE source of all culture for vehement christians.

Every class that I teach contains at least one kid with an uncommon old Testament biblical name. I teach a Solomon, a David, several Jacobs, a Samuel, two Jeromes, I’ve been told of a 6 year old Abraham, etc. In the adult world, I know at least three Esthers. All of the above become emotionally unstable during attempts to abbreviate or give a common shortened form. One of these Esthers (a teacher) is a major source of the ridiculous names at a Hagwon familiar to those reading this post. Keep in mind that this woman likely named herself Esther. This woman at least claimed she didn’t know who John the Baptist was.

Now, there are very few Marks, very few Peters, exactly two Marys (“Mary one” and “Mary two” – they are called these names directly, as they were in the same class for 2 months – Mary apparently is a common dog’s name here, so it’s not a popular name for little girls), and so on . Why don’t these people all become yids and get on with it? There’s been a brief influx of Pauls lately, which is comforting, I guess.

There are also plenty of old black man names. I’m particularly fond of Alvin.

Furthermore, when was the last time YOU met a 7 year old named Angelina? How about Hillary?

Furthermore, it was a fucking TEACHER who gave a kid the name Solomon. Now, Solomon is about as quick and satisfying to interact with as a 24-hours-after-Outback-Steakhouse turd. Picture a kid who learned his ABCs eight months ago, and just started writing in English, trying to spell that name.

Assorted goings-on.

Okay, first up. I forgot about Korean ages. Koreans start counting age from conception. Those 5 year olds are actually more likely 4 year olds.

Does that make my griping sound a little less pathetic?

The really little kid class went tolerably today. Like, stale to the point that it’s really not worth talking about.

But(t), there are other things worth talking about.

Korea has a scat fetish. When I began studying Korean, I looked into children’s books. Lots of people swear this is a major step in learning a language.

There is a well known series of nonfiction children’s books here. This is the first book in the series.

Before the book about water.

Now, I had forgotten about this. Until yesterday. In my homeroom class,I saw something that looked like blobby pine trees interspersed with the stars drawn on the board for good behavior and erased for bad behavior.

It seems that my partner teacher has decided to punish bad behavior by giving the misbehaving student a “poo.” She taught me how to draw these “poos.”

Now, imagine 6′5″ Greg menacingly saying to a Korean 5 year old “Do you want a poo, Lucy?”

The job.

I just picked up a new class.

Imagine spending two forty minute classes a week with 7 five year olds. During this time, I am expected to teach them some semblance of English. Now, let’s pretend that these children are on the border between the upper crust and middle class. This means that they have absolutely intolerable mothers who are even worse than rich moms because they really, really want their kids to succeed. I guess it’s the even-more-fucked-than-elsewhere Asian obsession with family and patriarchy. “Let’s give our boys more chances to succeed than we had, and thus shame him even more if he fails. And let’s give our daughters most obnoxiously high-maintenance clothing and accessories before they go to school, because we want them to look pretty, and teachers should be experts at replacing barrettes and tying ribbons and shit that hold frilly sweaters over puffy dresses that almost certainly will get covered in food and mucus.”

A boy literally hit my boss last class. His mother, along with 5 or so other moms, were watching and did nothing. Oh yes, did I mention that 6 or so moms watch EVERY DAMN CLASS, which of course distracts any 5 year old, much less a bunch of spoiled brats. Several choose to run out to their mothers at random. As this is a for-profit venture, their mother’s wishes go. Their mothers want me to let them run into the hall screaming for their mothers. Not just the princesses, mind you. Not that it’s more acceptable for girls to run into the hall screaming, but a lot of people seem to think so. These mothers are actually okay with their five year old boys, who they believe are mature enough to attend a cram school, having so little self-discipline that they literally cannot raise their hand before they walk out of a door when someone is speaking directly to them.

OMG WTF?